When you lose a beloved pet, you tend to feel overwhelmed. You know, that crushing feeling of having too much to do, too many responsibilities, and too little time, energy or resources to do them.
When we get like this we feel anxious, unsettled and often insecure. In times of grief, these feelings can be even more exaggerated. All of these emotions can increase our stress levels, lower our performance, increase our error rates, lower our energy reserves and weaken our immune system. This is not a good situation at all. This feeling of being out of control seriously challenges our mental, emotional and physical stability especially at a time when we are already overwhelmed with a sense of loss. When this happens to us, we need to find ways to help us regain the feeling of being in control and gain some clarity amid confusion.
An effective way to help reduce anxiety and regain a sense of control is to make written lists. Often, feeling anxious is a result of having too many concerns, demands, options, and obligations just floating in our minds. We haven't written them down; we're not even sure if we know what they all are. And, since we don't want to forget or neglect any of them, we keep ruminating them in our mind. Grief can make us hyper-sensitive to all that "mind clutter."
We know that if we have a grocery or shopping list before we go into a store, we are less likely to buy items that aren't on our list. This helps us to stay on budget and sometimes, stay on our diet. These lists allow us to remember what we need, how many we need, and where we plan to buy them.
Experiencing a loss can cloud our thinking, but just like a shopping list, an anxiety list can help us get a clearer picture of what is on our mind and what our worries and concerns are.
When you feel too burdened, schedule a quiet hour alone. Take a pad and pen and write a major heading at the top of each page. Money, work, relationships, any area and topic that needs your attention. Make a page for everything that you can think of that is on your mind.
Then, on each page, make a list, 1, 2, 3 etc., of everything that you can think of concerning that topic. Keep writing until you run out of concerns. Do this for every topic.
This can be a very cathartic, releasing experience, especially during an uncertain time. You might find that the items that concern you the most will feel like they are liquid flowing out of you as you write them down. If this or some similar sensation happens to you as you write out an entry, put a check or some other mark next to it. Pay special attention to these items when you're formulating your plans to get back in control.
After you complete writing out all the items of concern for each topic you listed, read over them. Is there anything to add? Are any of these concerns grief-specific? Are there any new topics to cover? Once you have everything written, did the act of writing down what's bothering you make you feel better? Often it will. There is something about reducing our concerns to paper that makes them appear less intimidating and more manageable.
Use your list of concerns as the basis for developing a plan of action to end the anxiety and stress level in your life right now. Remember that the feelings of loss that might overwhelm you now will not last forever.
Timothy J. O'Brien, MS, has been involved with grief and mourning issues since 1991. He is the author of the Amazon.com best seller, "You Will Always Be A Part Of Me" - A Guide & Journal for Grieving the Loss of Your Pet, [ http://petlossgriefguide.com ] a pet loss grief support program. You can also read or download a preview of the Program. [ http://petlossgriefguide.com/preview-of-you-will-always-be-a-part-of-me ]
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