It's almost a universal given that everyone experiences some kind of loss. How can we start over? How can we regain perspective, attitude and enthusiasm when we've experienced a major loss, such as the death of a beloved pet?
Everyone experiences let downs in life. Some are small inconveniences. Others are monumental and devastating, such as the loss of a family pet. And, what is easy to get beyond for one person can appear insurmountable to others. So what do we do? Is there really anything we can do?
Recognizing that some losses will leave indelible marks on us, here is a 5 step process to help regain control, and get back to living.
Define exactly what the setback or disappointment is. Unfortunately, sometimes this is painfully easy, as in the loss of a beloved family member. Other events might be more subtle. This is a time for true self-honesty. If we don't know what causes a problem, it is difficult to correct it.With each of the five suggestions, don't feel like you must, or in some cases can, deal with the disappointment or setback alone. Many situations require professional guidance and help to deal with. If you don't know where to get help, start with a trusted friend, your veterinarian, or member of the clergy. If they are not the appropriate person to assist you, they will probably know who is. It is a sign of strength, not weakness to use professional help when called for. If you think you need help, or you aren't sure, seek it.
List what you believe the causes of the setback or loss are. With the loss of a family pet, was it sudden or expected? How did it happen? Why did it happen? Again, self-honesty and qualified opinions will help you accurately answer this question.
Given that the disappointment occurred, and accepting its initial impact on you, what do you think the next step is? What is the solution to the situation? Or, what is the cure? What options do you feel you have? Is it possible there is a silver-lining in what happened?People with what scientists call "hardy personalities" can find some good or an opportunity in nearly anything that happens. Perhaps the loss of a job is the chance to make the career change you wanted to make for years. Maybe the relationship that just ended, when looked at objectively, was not mutually nurturing. The loss of a beloved pet can remind us of the wonderful part they played in our lives.
What techniques or changes in life style will bring about your recovery or rebound from the loss? Proper exercise, diet and attitude have a strong impact on recovery after these events. This sometimes calls for lifestyle changes. How will you handle your grief? What changes will increase your chances to recover your previous attitude? What would it take to exceed it?
What is your goal? Goals are events and experiences we look forward to. They are desired experiences. Set them too high and you set yourself up for failure. Put them to far into the future and they don't appear real or worth working toward. Set a long-range goal. Then break it down into smaller steps, mini goals. Make each of these steps worthwhile, and they will motivate you toward their accomplishment.
Now you have a 5 step process to help you recognize, admit, accept and move toward recovery of the loss you have experienced. Use these steps to help you begin the process toward recovery. If you need help, get it. And remember that there is hope, so give yourself time.
Timothy J. O'Brien, MS, has been involved with grief and mourning issues since 1991. He is the author of the Amazon.com best seller, "You Will Always Be A Part Of Me" - A Guide & Journal for Grieving the Loss of Your Pet, [ http://petlossgriefguide.com ] a pet loss grief support program. You can also read or download a preview of the Program. [ http://petlossgriefguide.com/preview-of-you-will-always-be-a-part-of-me ]
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